What should be

Many times in the last couple of months I've gotten the question "well, shouldn't Erin be in preschool this year?"

Every time I've wanted to answer, "No.  Cora would have been.  Erin's a year younger."

*sigh*  It's a good thing Erin will be starting preschool next year.  Maybe it'll distract me from the fact that Cora would have been starting kindergarten.


I hate that this awareness of what SHOULD be follows me around.  It's not like a spend a lot of time thinking about it, but sometimes it just hits me.

For instance, I teach the 6-year-old primary Sunday school class at church.  Sitting on the row in front of us during our Sharing Time meeting are the Sunbeams.  They're the children who turned 4 this year.  Last Sunday as I was sitting there with my class I suddenly realized that Cora should be sitting on that row.  It's a good thing that they were singing a really sweet song so that I could cover up the reason I was crying.  It was so hard to look at those children after that.  I've been teaching this class since May, so I've gotten to know them a little bit, but now that I have connected that they are all Cora's age....just hurts.  Hopefully it won't hurt so much again this coming Sunday.


I miss her a lot today.