Sunday, June 26, 2011

Cora's shelf again.

It still isn't up.  It's a little hard, but okay at the same time.  It's a great emotional improvement on my part, I think, that I'm getting everything else unpacked first.  Once I get my bedroom completely unpacked, all I have left is my craft room and the pictures that go on the walls.  So Cora's shelf will go up as soon as my room is unpacked.

Still don't know where, but I'll find a good spot.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Proud of myself (pregnancy mentioned)

Okay, a little back story.  After Cora died my husband and I took stock of the things we should keep and things we should return.  We knew we'd have more kids, so we decided the furniture and clothing we'd keep, but the bath stuff, and the diapers and wipes we'd return.  Needless to say, returning several packages of diapers and having to explain why was rather traumatizing.

When Erin was born, I didn't buy any diapers at all until we got home from the hospital.  I just couldn't buy another package of diapers until I knew I needed them without a doubt.

With Patrick, I plucked up my courage and bought a package the day before I was induced.  And freaked out.  It was such a hard thing for me to do.

Well, today I was at Target, and I bought a package of newborn diapers.  At 28 weeks.  I did freak out and had to have a friend remind me it wouldn't jinx things.  But now that I've gotten through that, I'm proud of myself.  I can't believe how well I'm doing emotionally this go around.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

New neighbor noticed Cora's sticker on my car

This evening we were over our new house cleaning things up, figuring out which light switch plates needed to be replaced, etc.

As I was walking out, the new next door neighbor was out and came over to say hi as I was getting the kids in the car.

She asked about the sticker, and I got to talk about my Cora.  It was nice to have it out in the open.  I mean, it's a part of my life, so I want people to know, but I don't want to spring it on people.  I was glad I had that sticker on my car.  I was glad I got to talk about Cora.  And Suzy was so sweet.  She's got 2 adult kids, so could understand that it would be a devastating thing.

She told me she was proud of me for having 2 kids and being pregnant again.  Made me feel good.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

One step further away.

Matt and I closed a house purchase on Wednesday and officially took possession yesterday afternoon.  We are thrilled with this chapter in our lives, and being able to get out of an apartment and into a place all our own.

But sitting on the floor of our family room yesterday, as excited as I was, it was bittersweet.

This house is the 4th place Matt and I will live in.  Cora was conceived, lived in my womb, and died, all in our first apartment.  I am moving further and further away from her and it just breaks my heart.  I wish so much I could be painting a room for her.  Instead, I'm packing up her mementos and shelf, trying to decide where it will hang in our new home.

Maybe I'll put it in the nursery, so she can watch over her baby sister.