So yesterday as I was sitting painting my nursery, I had a sort of mini breakdown. I just had to stop and cry. Cry for my first nursery and all the memories that didn't get made in it.
Today I'm realizing I'm having a hard time not having everything absolutely perfect. I'm sure that's more of Cora's nursery arising. I didn't have the ability to get her nursery exactly the way I wanted, because I was in an apartment and we had no money at all. And of course, my irrational brain is connecting that nursery imperfection with her death.
I need to make myself relax and just let some things slide. But really I just want to cry.