Sunday, February 10, 2013

Walking with you series

I recently discovered this blog series.  It's over this week, so I'll be playing catch-up.

January 7, 2013 ~ Introduction and Where are You Now?
Tell us a little about yourself, your baby, and how you’ve come to this walk. Also, where are you now in your grief and healing? Are you new to this, still in the depths of fresh grief? Have you been walking this path awhile?

I'm Brittanie.  I'll be turning 30 this year, and am the mother of one sweet angel girl, and 3 rainbows.  Cora Rei was my first baby, and I was so excited to be pregnant.  Unfortunately I have suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum with every one of my of my four pregnancies, pretty much from conception, all the way until delivery.  With my first pregnancy, since it was unexpected, it got pretty severe before I started getting treatment for it.  So my pregnancy with Cora was quite difficult, but I was still so very grateful.  I was due May 14, 2006, which that year happened to be Mother's Day.  On May 1st (38 weeks and 1 day), I woke up and when I took my shower, Cora didn't move.  This was completely uncharacteristic for her.  I bruised myself trying to get her to move and had no response.  When I was finally able to get in to my doctor (I had to argue for a while with a nurse practitioner who apparently thought that I was just a stupid first-timer who was freaking out over nothing), they did an ultrasound and confirmed she no longer had a heartbeat.  I was induced the next morning, as there were no open hospital beds until then, and Cora was born at 4:02 pm, weighing a perfect 6lb10oz, 20 inches long, with beautiful, bright red curly hair.  She would be turning 7 this year, and not a day goes by that I don't miss her.

Since I'm currently a stay-at-home-mother to Cora's three rainbow siblings, my life is filled with a lot of joy.  But I still miss her every day.  Especially when I look at Erin, who was born 13 months and 5 days after Cora was stillborn.  Every new thing Erin does shows me something know I didn't know to grieve for.  But Erin knows who her sister is.  We have discussions about Cora and our beliefs about what happens after death and where she is now.  In some way, it has made it easier because talking about her reminds me that she is never forgotten and is still a part of our family.

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