I have a really hard time talking to other people sometimes. I'm sure I've posted similar posts several times, but seems to come back to me a lot. Especially in discussions of worst fears and worst-case scenarios. I'm getting better at not saying anything, not increasing anxiety, but I still feel it.
My worst fear is not that I will be a bad mother, or that I won't love Allison as much as I do my others.
My worst-case scenario is not a csection (although, I have to admit, that one is 2nd).
My worst fear and worst-case scenario are the same: That this baby will die, leaving me with empty arms and a broken heart again.
I wish I could go back to that innocent ignorance where the baby dying wasn't something that ever entered into my mind.