Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The worst thing

I have a really hard time talking to other people sometimes.  I'm sure I've posted similar posts several times, but seems to come back to me a lot.  Especially in discussions of worst fears and worst-case scenarios.  I'm getting better at not saying anything, not increasing anxiety, but I still feel it.

My worst fear is not that I will be a bad mother, or that I won't love Allison as much as I do my others.

My worst-case scenario is not a csection (although, I have to admit, that one is 2nd).

My worst fear and worst-case scenario are the same: That this baby will die, leaving me with empty arms and a broken heart again.

I wish I could go back to that innocent ignorance where the baby dying wasn't something that ever entered into my mind.

1 comment:

  1. Do not fear a C-section it truly is not as bad as they say. I so wished every day of my last baby that I could be "normal" what ever that is.Many wishes for peace and a safe journey with Allison