This is a post I should have made a year ago. A year ago, Cora should have started kindergarten. And it DID hurt a year ago, thinking all those should-have-beens, but it's one of those things that you don't really know how to grieve the missing of until you've actually experienced it. Today I saw Cora's younger sister's excitement and wonder as she finally got to go to kindergarten (she's been talking about it for over a year now).
I cried when she went into the classroom. Part of it was the normal mommy-cry of your baby growing up. But a lot of it was missing the pictures of Cora in her backpack and first day outfit that I didn't get to take. Missing the excited conversations about what she did and the new rules she'd learned and the kids in her class. I'm not going to get to take first-day pictures of her, and that loss hurts more than I realized it would.