I don't know what it is. Knowing that life is so fragile and things can fall apart in an instant...it's always a worry. Last night I dreamed I was in labor. Maybe I was having cramps, I don't know. Anyway, unlike most labor dreams I've had, the baby was fine.
But my husband had died previously.
I didn't actually dream my husband's death, it was just something that was in my dream-memory. But I was laboring with his child...without him.
Honestly, part of me has to blame it on watching "PS I Love YOU" for the first time recently.
Luckily when I woke up my husband was in bed next to me, and I was able to snuggle close to him with the reassurance, that he was, in fact, alive.
I hope that this....awareness...that I could lose any one of my little family in an instant will fade over time. But I don't think it will. I think that it is just now a part of me. So I snuggle them close while I can, and hope that the day that I can't is far, far, far in the future.