Sunday, February 28, 2010


There are times when I find it difficult to talk to "normal" women.  When you get a group of mothers together, the talk invariably turns to childbirth and everyone starts comparing birth stories.  I have delivered 3 babies, so I have more than enough material to participate...until they start talking about what disappointed them about their births.

They had a spinal headache for several days afterward and wish they hadn't gotten an epidural.  They got an epidural and it only partially worked.  They were induced, and it ended up in an emergency c-section so they wish they had waited a little longer to let their body its own thing.  Sometimes it just makes me want to scream.

I went through 8 hours of labor knowing my baby was already dead.  I went home from the hospital empty handed.  How's that for a disappointing birth?

I've only actually ever said that once, to a girl whose complaint I found particularly trite and unimportant.  I don't even remember what it was, but I felt like slapping her.  And she looked slapped too.  And never spoke to me again (though I didn't really know her very well to start out with).  So I've learned to control my tongue.

I've come to realize that my particular experience has separated me from everyone else.  I'm no longer "normal."  I have a perspective that on a whole those normal women can't even fathom, and don't even want to try (not that I can blame anyone really.  I didn't want to try to understand what it was like before it happened either).

So now when I'm in those conversations, and I hear those trivial disappointments, or trivial pregnancy complaints (like the girl who said her worst fear was gaining 50lbs, and I just wanted to scream that my worst fear was having ANOTHER baby die), I just turn off my mouth.

But I still think it.


  1. It amazes me how people do NOT know how to keep their mouths shut. I have numerous friends on my FB who complain about their pregnancy, their children, or their child birthing experience. That is why I was hesitant to complain about my morning sickness but that really does get hard not to do because being sick all day everyday can really run you down.

    But to hear women who talk poorly about their children or their birthing experience really drives me up the way.

    *hugs* I know what you mean

  2. So true. I had two successful pregnancies before any losses and I lived in the realm of "normal" sort of. But still as I walked through cemeteries I cried and cried for any mom who buried a baby. My heart broke for them and now for me. I have found my family the most heartbreaking to me. Comments from my sister and mom have been the most hurtful.

  3. You are an incredible mother Brittanie. I hope, someday, to be as caring, loving and strong as you are.
    Lots of love.

  4. I still think it too. I've nearly bitten through my tongue on several occasions. For obvious reasons, people who complain about their babies being too big really get my blood boiling.