Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Can't help but relive it: The first of the "lasts"

Wednesday, April 26th, 2006 was my last OB appointment. I'd had quite a bit of bad braxton hicks contractions and cervical pain, so even though I was only 37 1/2 weeks I asked him to check me. I was 2cm dilated and 70% effaced, and he could feel her head (but she pulled away). 

I was living in Idaho, and my parents would be in Utah that weekend for my brother's graduation that weekend, so I asked about them maybe inducing me so my parents could come up. He answered that he couldn't without medical reason, especially since I wasn't even 38 weeks yet, and just a few days could make a difference.

I was a little disappointed, but I understood. As I was leaving he said "Well, see you next Wednesday. That is, if I don't see you before then!"

She died Sunday night.

I understand why my doctor answered what he did, I do.  I don't truly blame them for what happened.  But a few days did make a difference, and I often wonder what my life would be like if he'd answered me differently.  I'm quite sure it would have ended up in an emergency csection, and there's a possibility she still wouldn't have survived.  But I still wonder.

1 comment:

  1. Wow...that's really tough. I'm so sorry that things happened in that manner. I kept thinking that I was so close to the 24 week mark and that if a couple of things had just gone different then my girls would have had a shot at life..but who knows. God had a plan and it was seen through. I'm so so sorry for your loss. By the way, I love reading your blog!