Sunday, December 13, 2009

I never expected it.

Not counting the plethora of miscarriages (not saying that miscarrying isn't tragic in its own right, it's just a bit different), there are still several angels in my family.  There are five I can name readily, whose parents are still living (going back to great-grandparents there are a whole lot more).

My cousin Josh lost one of his twin boys to SIDS last year at 6 months.
Cora was stillborn.
My mother's brother and wife lost a baby (early 3rd trimester?) shortly after birth
My parents' first was stillborn in the second trimester.
My father's parents lost a little girl shortly before her 3rd birthday.
My mother's parents' first little boy was stillborn

But I never even fathomed that it could have happened to me.  Even with a family history of loss, I just never imagined that it would have happened.  I expected to miscarry (as crazy as that sounds), but once I got to the big ultrasound and everything was perfect, I just assumed I'd get a baby out of it.  After all, stillbirths didn't happen any more unless there was something wrong with the baby right?

I mean, Lynn (my mother's brother) was the only other angel in my history (Josh's baby doesn't count, he died after I lost Cora) that there wasn't some sort of physical problem involved and that was nearly 60 years ago.  I truly thought that modern medicine had gotten to the point where babies didn't die before they were born anymore, unless they were sick.  And Cora wasn't sick.

Of course, I know better now.  I look down the list of Cora's angel friends and very many of them both mother and baby were perfectly healthy.  It makes me sick almost, to think that it's still so very common.


  1. How did I not know Josh lost one of his twins?!? That makes me want to bawl! When did this happen??

  2. Wow how sad that so many of you went through similar things.
    My Grandma, whom I am really close with lost a baby at 21 weeks like I lost Harry. Although way back then, they didn't even let you see the baby or hold the baby. To this day she doesn't even know if it was a boy or girl, it just breaks my heart. She then lost her little boy to leukemia at 3 years old. My mom had a miscarriage at 10 weeks and my aunt had a baby boy at 24 weeks that died as well. I guess I'm the same way. I just had high hopes that since I'd had 2 kids before it wouldn't happen to me. Now with being pregnant again I'm terrified that its too easy to happen again. Life is sure crazy and expected I guess. I think its better we hang onto hope.

  3. I was also very frightened of miscarrying. Like you, I breathed a sigh of relief when I got to the 12 week ultrasound. It thought it was all a certain thing after that point.

    It is terribly sad how common it is. I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful Cora and for obvious reasons your cousin's loss just breaks my heart. xo