Jenny Lake

Yesterday was my cousin's first anniversary and it got me thinking about  my own.  We were a month and a half "into" our loss (Cora was stillborn May 2, our anniversary is June 17), so it was still very raw.  We chose that weekend to go camping in Grand Teton National Park and spread Cora's ashes on Jenny Lake.  Why our anniversary?  Well, it was just the weekend that fit the best for everyone, as my sister and Matt's sister wanted to come with us.  It was really nice to have family support.

I didn't realize until I was wishing my cousin a happy anniversary how robbed I feel of the anniversary I should have had.  I've thought endlessly of  all those parenting experiences I lost, but it never occurred to me that I also lost my first anniversary.

It should have been me finding a babysitter and going to dinner somewhere nice and worrying about my baby the entire time, and then rushing home to put her to bed and watch a movie at home with my husband.  That's what it should have been.

I did get some gorgeous pictures though.