Rainbows

Rainbows are amazing things.  After the violence and trauma, gloom and darkness of a rainstorm, you get beautiful vibrant color.  Rainbows bring hope that the world will be bright again, that the sun and warmth will return.  That's why, in the loss community, we refer to children born after a loss as "rainbow babies."

Rainbow babies don't replace their siblings.  They don't erase the grief of the storm.  But they bring back hope and joy.  Each baby brings happiness all their own.

I don't mention my rainbows here often.  I don't feel like it's all that appropriate, given I know some people reading are in the middle of the storm.  It's hard to see and hear of others' rainbows when your own is nowhere in sight, and the pelting rain and thunder surround you.

But I want to take a moment to be thankful for them.  Cora's death had a real affect on how I parent Erin and Patrick.  I think the most important way is that it has made me more thankful for every single moment I get with each of them (even the screaming ones and the poopy ones).  I am humbled that I got lucky enough to have two perfectly healthy babies after Cora's death, with only very minor problems.  They have given me reason to live, not just merely survive.  They have given me hope.  And while I don't think I'll ever feel whole, they fulfill me in a way I can't describe.

Anyway, if you'd like to see more about my rainbows, I keep a separate blog for them (less words and more pictures) here.