Thursday, September 23, 2010

Was it worth it?

I've spoken before about how insanely sick I get when pregnant, especially when I was pregnant with Cora.  And whenever I talk about pregnancies with friends I usually at some point I say "but the babies are worth it."

But that line inevitably gets me to thinking about the horrid pregnancy from which I didn't get the baby.  I think the fact that I was so incredibly sick with her is the final thing that makes me so bitterly angry that I just can't get past.  It just seems like so much of a crime that it shouldn't be possible that someone can be as sick as I was for 38 weeks and not take the baby home.

So, obviously my sickness with Erin and Patrick were worth it.  But was it with Cora?

Obviously I wish I could have taken her home. Or at least that the universe could have made my pregnancy and easy breezy one.

But I truly believe that the people you love the most are the ones you sacrifice the most for, and the more you are willing to sacrifice for them, the more you come to love them.  And that sacrifice and that love changed me forever.

Yes, my pregnancy with Cora was worth it in the end, because even if I didn't get to take her home, I got Cora. And even if I'm wrong and I will never get to see her again, I would rather have had the sickness, the love and the grief then never have had her at all.

In this instance, I truly believe it is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all.  I wouldn't give it up for anything.

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