November 2, 2006 was Cora's half birthday. She would have been a whole 6 months old. Now, looking back on it 2 babies later, I can identify the things she should have been doing at the time. On that day, however, I had no idea. I really didn't know what a baby's developmental milestones at 6 months should be. It was a hard day, because I knew I had missed out on so much.
But it was a sweet day too. That day I had my first ultrasound with Erin. I entered my OB's office in a near panic. I had to struggle to maintain even breathing. It was the first ultrasound I had since that last one with Cora. That last one where the doctor said there was no heartbeat. And I was so terrified that they would tell me that there was no heartbeat again.
Walking into that office, I was so sure that all I would ever have is bad news. I couldn't honestly believe I'd ever bring a baby home.
But we did see a heart beat and for the first time since Cora died I truly felt hope. I was terrified until the moment Erin was born, of course, but that day I felt hope.
I am so grateful for the hope my rainbows brought back to my life, and for my Cora who taught me to appreciate it.