Birthdays

It's interesting to realize just how far-reaching the affects of Cora's death have been on my life.  Birthdays are kind of a big deal, but before they were a really big deal.  Everything had to be absolutely perfect or it wouldn't be "good."  Not just for my birthday, but for everyone's birthdays.  I would do my best to make sure they got cake and candles and got sung to.  And if I didn't get that on my birthday, well, I was a bit hurt.

Now...the point of it is to just have a good day.  The cake, the candle, the song, the "perfection..."  It just doesn't matter.

Case in point: Today is my birthday, but Friday we had cake with some friends who were in town but would be leaving early Saturday afternoon.  No candles.  No song.  Just ice cream cake while watching a dumb movie and having loads of fun making fun of it.  I cherish that moment.  They were there to celebrate with me, and that's all that mattered.

Before Cora died, though, I would have been hurt that nobody had said "but wait, we need to sing."  I actually wouldn't have even let them forget, I would have told my husband to make sure he put candles on it, etc.  But I was content just to have him cut and serve it and have us eat and enjoy.


So there have been positive outcomes from a terrible situation.  I'm a better person having survived my daughter's death.  I'm more content with things, knowing that they can be imperfect but still good.  So today, on my birthday, I have to be thankful for the gifts that Cora gave me.