Wednesday, March 17, 2010


My brother and sister-in-law are expecting a baby in August.  They found out on Monday it's a girl.  I'm excited, I really am, but my excitement is so much different than everyone else's.

I can't help but add "hopefully" to every statement.

Hopefully in August she's come home.  Hopefully, when I go down for my older brother's wedding in September, I'll get to meet her.  Hopefully.  Hopefully.  Hopefully.

I hate it.  I really do.  I wish I could just be happily expectant like everyone else.  I wish I didn't have that "but maybe not" always lingering in the back of my mind.  I would be beyond devastated if something happened to Izzy.  I wish and hope and pray that everything ends the way it's supposed to.  But...I can't expect it to anymore.

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