Whenever I'm pregnant (or even trying to become pregnant) I start dreaming about the baby dying. Whether it's miscarrying, or something happening in the 2nd trimester, right on up to another full term stillbirth. I guess this is normal, my day-to-day suppressed anxiety manifesting itself.
Last night though, was different. My sister-in-law is pregnant. Now, this isn't the first time that I've been pregnant with a family member, so I don't know what makes this particular instance so different, but I dreamed that my little niece (who is due in June) was stillborn. Not stillborn in the future, like...in the dream I woke up to the phone ringing and it was today and something had happened overnight to make sister-in-law go to the hospital and Sara didn't make it.
In a way it was a relief not to have the dream be about my own loss. It was much easier to talk myself out of when I woke up that way. But at the same time, I'm so scared of it happening to someone else in my family. There's already been so much loss, from my grandparents on down. I'm the only one, when counting my siblings/spouses, in my generation that has had any sort of loss, and I'd like to keep it that way.