I've talked to many other baby loss moms who were pregnant with them when they were pregnant with their angels, who were due around the time they were. I believe I've mentioned before that I was pregnant with my best friend, and that her Katy was born nearly 2 months after Cora.
I've talked about how looking at Katy sometimes hurts.
Well, maybe that comes from not living in the same state and therefore not spending much time around her. In the past four years, my contact with Katy has been a couple hours here, and a couple hours there. But this weekend we spent 2 whole days together. My group of high school friends spent the weekend at another friend's grandfather's summer home.
And not once did I look at Katy and think "that should be Cora." I guess after spending a week watching Erin play with her cousins, I saw Katy as more of a cousin than a sister-that-should-be. I think I made a breakthrough.
Do I still wish Cora was there? Yes. I think any of my friends, if they had been asked, would have said that. I mean, seriously, how cute would TWO curly-haired redheaded 4-year-olds running around be?!?!? But when I looked at Katy this weekend, I was able to smile and appreciate Katy, instead of wanting to cry because she wasn't Cora.
So in spite of the fact that the weekend ended with EVERYONE getting very sick, it was still a very good one for me.