First off, I recently started going to the chiropractor (my first eval was 3 weeks ago, then last week started 3x a week visits...I'm pretty messed up). Anyway, I found this office because they had a tent outside Walmart one evening offering the first evaluation and adjustment for free. Turns out that I love this office. Dr. Judd is such a sweet and compassionate, good natured man.
Anyway, as with my dentist, I sort of felt that it was important for him to understand that I've had 3 full-term pregnancies because that has definitely had an impact on the condition of my body. But since they have a playroom in their office and I bring my children in with me, it's obvious that I only have 2 children. So I had to explain what happened with Cora.
We talked a little bit about his experience with his wife miscarrying at around 8 weeks or so, and then he said to me "But it must have been different for you."
I can't explain how much I appreciate him using the word "different." So many people who have experienced earlier miscarriages tell me that my experience "must be worse." I don't know, maybe it makes them feel better. If so, fine. But it doesn't make me feel better. If mine is "worse" then that means someone whose child died at a year hurts "worse" than me. And I truly don't think that those people are any more devastated than I was. Than I am.
Yes, it's different. I felt her move. I was past the "danger" zone. We knew her gender and had her name picked out. We had her nursery ready. I went through 8 hours of labor and delivery, and held her lifeless body in my arms. Then I gave her body to a man in a black suit, who took what was left of Cora on this earth away and shut the door behind him.
But a person whose baby dies earlier didn't lose less of a their future because of that. Just like a person whose child dies at a year old doesn't lose more of their future than I did.
There weren't fewer dreams that just got shattered. Just more specific ones.