Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I wish...

I wish that I had a picture of my positive test with Cora. Or at least remembered the date.

I wish I'd been able to enjoy my pregnancy with her, instead of having my most powerful memory being one of being convinced I was actually going to die from being so sick.

I wish I'd known about NILMDTS, or at least thought of having the nurse take a picture of the 3 of us together.

I wish I'd been able to have my family in the room to hold her.

I wish we'd been able to have a funeral.

I wish we'd been able to bury her, so that she could have a headstone to tell the world that she was here beyond what I'm able to do.

I wish I'd been able to see her eyes, and hear her cry, see her smile, hear her laugh.

I wish she were here.


  1. I can relate. I have a lot of similar feelings. The lack of tangible evidence of my babies lives makes my motherhood invisible. It can be so awful to thing you are alone in your memories.

    Sending you ((hugs)) and light.

  2. Though I have not been there, I hear your heart. I just wanted to say I hold brokenhearted love for you and will be thinking of your Cora and praying for you as I light my candle tomorrow.