I think if someone asked me to name the one singular most-defining moment in my life, most would expect me to say Cora's death. They'd be wrong though. Yes...definitely...that was a moment that was very profound and did change who I am and how I see the world.
But there was one moment that did more.
This video is my first ultrasound with Cora. I had known I was pregnant for several weeks already, and was sicker than sick, but it wasn't real until I saw her on that screen. And in that moment, I went from just being Brittanie, to being a Mom. To being Cora's mom. That was a much bigger change for me than going from Cora's mom to Cora's grieving mom. Suddenly, someone's needs mattered more than what I wanted, or even than what I needed sometimes. Suddenly I was needed. And I realized just how much I needed her.
And that change stayed with me even after Cora died. That identity remains with me, even though she didn't physically.
I am Cora's mom.