Thursday, April 8, 2010

Baby Showers and due dates

Tonight I am going to my first baby shower since Cora died.  At first, I didn't go because it hurt so bad.  Then, after Erin was born, it became that I just had a hard time sitting with all the expectation that everything is just going to be okay.  I did have a baby shower for both Erin and Patrick, but they were after the babies were born.  So, part of me has this dread in the pit of my stomach for tonight.  She's a great friend, and I'm SO excited for her baby, so most of me is excited for the party.  But I'm also scared.  Sort of terrified.

There will be another one I'll be going to soon, as well.  I teach a youth Sunday School class at church (13-turning-14-year-olds).  I have a team teacher so I don't have to teach every week.  Not only is she pregnant with a girl, but she's due on May 14th.  She's due on Cora's due date.  I'm forcing myself to expect the best for her, but I'm also praying that her baby won't be born on Cora's birthday.  I just don't think I could handle that.  Not only that but May 2nd is one of her teaching Sundays, and I'm not sure I'll be able to teach effectively that day.  I just....don't want her to have her baby on my Cora's day.  Is that selfish of me?

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