Sometimes I wish I lived in a TV show. I recently watched the episode of House called Lockdown. The premise: a newborn baby disappears so the hospital is on lockdown while they search. It was hard to watch, all that worry over the possibility something serious having happened. Worry that the baby might have been seriously hurt or killed. The woman who portrayed the mother did a good job, and I felt all those emotions on her face, the guilt, the grief.
But at the end of the episode, they found the baby, and she was okay. That mother got her baby back. As I watched the hospital director put that woman's baby back into her arms, I felt a horrible stab of jealousy. After all that grief, all that guilt, she got her baby back.
I still have dreams of the day Cora was born. I gave her small, sweet body to a man in a black suit, and with tears in his eyes he turned and walked out the door and I never saw her again.
I wish I could have my baby back.