Friday, January 29, 2010

Dear Cora,

I just put your siblings down for a nap and am sitting now in silence and the world whispered your name to me.  You are never far from my thoughts, but only occasionally can I give my memory of you my full focus.  I've been thinking a lot lately of each small moment.  The moments that are so precious to me, primarily because you left so soon.  You taught me that tomorrow isn't guaranteed, and so I savor every today I have.

I wish I had savored the todays I had with you.  I'm sorry that my thoughts were consumed with how soon my pregnancy would be over.  I know that you forgive me that.  That you understand how physically miserable I was.  I feel that forgiveness and empathy and love every day.  I still wish I had appreciated those days more.

I was so excited to have you though.  I was so overjoyed at the chance to be a mother, to be your mother.  I said over and over that the sickness would be worth it in the end, and although I didn't get the end I had hoped, it was still worth it.  It was still worth it to learn those things from you that I did, and that I am still learning.  I know that this temporary separation will be worth it in the end too, and I so look forward to the day I get to hold you in my arms again, living and breathing.

Please help me through those times when I miss you so much that it aches physically. I still have those days, and I think I always will.  I will always wonder what my life would have been like.  Thank you for being close.  I do feel you near.

I love you my dearest darling girl.  I miss you so much it takes my breath away sometimes.  Thank you for watching out for your sister and brother.  They fill me with such joy and I truly hope they grow up knowing who you are.

I'll love you forever and always,
~Mommy~

5 comments:

  1. What a beautiful letter to a beautiful little girl.

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  2. I am so sorry your beautiful darling Cora isn't in your arms now.

    xxx

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  3. Beautiful girl and what a lovely letter. x

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