I just put your siblings down for a nap and am sitting now in silence and the world whispered your name to me. You are never far from my thoughts, but only occasionally can I give my memory of you my full focus. I've been thinking a lot lately of each small moment. The moments that are so precious to me, primarily because you left so soon. You taught me that tomorrow isn't guaranteed, and so I savor every today I have.
I wish I had savored the todays I had with you. I'm sorry that my thoughts were consumed with how soon my pregnancy would be over. I know that you forgive me that. That you understand how physically miserable I was. I feel that forgiveness and empathy and love every day. I still wish I had appreciated those days more.
I was so excited to have you though. I was so overjoyed at the chance to be a mother, to be your mother. I said over and over that the sickness would be worth it in the end, and although I didn't get the end I had hoped, it was still worth it. It was still worth it to learn those things from you that I did, and that I am still learning. I know that this temporary separation will be worth it in the end too, and I so look forward to the day I get to hold you in my arms again, living and breathing.
Please help me through those times when I miss you so much that it aches physically. I still have those days, and I think I always will. I will always wonder what my life would have been like. Thank you for being close. I do feel you near.
I love you my dearest darling girl. I miss you so much it takes my breath away sometimes. Thank you for watching out for your sister and brother. They fill me with such joy and I truly hope they grow up knowing who you are.
I'll love you forever and always,