I feel like I'm lying to people when I talk about being pregnant. I'm starting to feel it physically more, which is good, but when it comes to the idea of actually having a baby come August....it feels like a sham.
I had such an instant bond with Cora. It felt surreal, in that you can't really comprehend what it is actually like to experience something you haven't yet, but I could dream about her in a real way. I expected to get a baby out of it.
I didn't with Erin and Patrick. And especially not now. Maybe it's not "especially" in that it's harder for me now than it was with them, but because I was expecting it to get better or easier being 4 1/2 years removed and having had 2 live births since.
But I don't. I don't believe it. Not yet. And that fact makes me want to cry.
I totally know how you are feeling!! I wrote a blog with the same title a while back. I am now 28 weeks pregnant with a boy and not feeling so disconnected since hes been soo active, however i still cant picture him in the future like i did with Bella(my angel who died 1/12/10)...I dont think I will be able to until he arrives and is healthy. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your thoughts. Praying for you and your rainbow!
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