I feel like I'm lying to people when I talk about being pregnant. I'm starting to feel it physically more, which is good, but when it comes to the idea of actually having a baby come August....it feels like a sham.
I had such an instant bond with Cora. It felt surreal, in that you can't really comprehend what it is actually like to experience something you haven't yet, but I could dream about her in a real way. I expected to get a baby out of it.
I didn't with Erin and Patrick. And especially not now. Maybe it's not "especially" in that it's harder for me now than it was with them, but because I was expecting it to get better or easier being 4 1/2 years removed and having had 2 live births since.
But I don't. I don't believe it. Not yet. And that fact makes me want to cry.