Thursday, December 16, 2010

No presents under the tree

I've done a lot of wrapping in the last few days.  Lots of paper, ribbon, tape, and labels.

Not once have I written "To: Cora."

Sometimes I don't notice.  Like today, when buying gifts with money sent from Grandma Linda and Grandfather Pat.  Erin was running around like a crazy woman and Patrick woke up as Mr. Hyde for the second day in a row.  I was trying to find good gifts for them (yes, while they were there) and my husband, trying to avoid people in the aisles, and trying to keep them calm.  I was focussed.

And then I started wrapping.  "To: Dad," "To: Erin," "To: Patrick."

There are no presents under the tree for Cora.  When it comes to money, we tend to be more practical, so buying something for a child that isn't there just doesn't make sense.  But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.  What is the thing that she would be over-the-top excited for?  What would I get her to wear that would look okay with her complexion and curly red hair?  Would I have gotten her and Erin dresses to match?

It's not just the first Christmas that hurts, it's every Christmas.  Christmases that I'll never get.  I miss her so much.  I miss not getting to write her name on labels.  Something so simple, it seems, but so very, very huge at the same time.


  1. I totally feel the same thing... Even though I'd like to get Kaelen something, it's just not practical. A friend suggested getting an age appropriate gift and donating it to a charity but this year it's too tight with my dh not working so it's just a no gift year and it sucks. Hugs.

  2. a friend of mine gets an ornament every year for her angel baby. {make buy,draw} what ever works for you she now has 28 angels hanging on her tree for the 28 christmas' she's not had her baby with her. I thought it was such a great way to have her baby present. {hugs}