Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I feel like something is missing.

So, I look around at my Christmas...the tree...the gifts under it...everything, and it feels like something is missing. The obvious answer is that, well, something is missing; or rather someone.  It's still a frustrating, lonely feeling though.

I miss her at Christmas time more than I do just about any other time of year.  Christmas and her birthday, but the Christmas season lasts longer than the buildup to her birthday, so it's more drawn out.

I've talked to women who say that they know when they're done having kids because they "feel complete."  I envy that.  I will never feel that.  I ceased being complete on that nightmarish day when my doctor told me that her heart wasn't beating.  I'd give just about anything to have that.

1 comment:

  1. Brittanie, this post speaks so truthfully to my own fears. I know I will never feel complete. Even with two healthy girls on the way, I will never feel that sense of "wholeness" since my three sons are not here with me. It's frustrating thought for me, as I know it must be a frustrating feeling for you.

    I wish you lots of peace and comfort this holiday season ((HUGS))